Monday, August 15, 2011

Female Ejaculation – “I’m coming, grab the towels!” by Lily Harlem

I had a great time at Whipped Cream's 4th Birthday Bash a couple of weeks ago and posted this blog about female ejaculation. I decided to air it again today - and would like to apologise profusely to those of you who have already read it - but I was sure readers on When One Is Not Enough would have some great thoughts and comments to add.

The blog stemmed from reading a very lovely story about a couple finding one another again sexually after the birth of their child. During the grand finale the heroine has a mind-blowing orgasm over the bonnet of a car and she ejaculates, completely soaking his shirt. It took me by surprise, this incident, I don’t know why particularly, it’s not that I haven’t heard of female ejaculation before, but it made me realize that I know very little about it. It’s not often written into erotic romance and certainly not talked about amongst my group of girlfriends, so I thought I’d do a little delving for the facts, here goes…

This is what Wikipedia says - Female ejaculation (commonly known as gushing, cumming or squirting) refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid by human females from the paraurethral ducts through and around the urethra during or before an orgasm. The exact source and nature of the fluid continues to be a topic of debate among medical professionals and is related to doubts over the existence of the G-Spot.

Physiology is all very well (and for the record, G-spot not exists, huhum, was this written by a man who can’t find it?), but I wanted juicier details than that. So I delved a bit more, discovered that females have a prostate gland located between the urethra and the vaginal wall, in the exact place as the G-spot, hey that ‘is’ the G-spot and Mmm, so that’s what feels so damn good! I also discovered that female ejaculate is near the exact chemical construction as prostatic fluid, obviously minus sperm, it is definitely not pee!

Looking at discussions on the net I noticed that men are often very proud when they are the catalyst for a "squirt" orgasm in their partner. This is because it takes a certain touch to procure these special ejaculatory functions. A female orgasm may be totally separate to her ejaculating -- they are not necessarily one and the same, and can be experienced at different times. A woman may have always been able to do it, but other women may deliberately learn how to do it, either on their own or with a partner.

Check out these hot tips I found in a men’s magazine, I was completely fascinated reading them and wondered how many men actually have taken on the serious mission of making it happen “What are we doing this weekend, darling? Shopping, a movie?” “Brace yourself baby, I’m going to make you ejaculate.”

Okay, here goes –

If you want to get a squirt out of your lover, you will need to know the precise method. Here's how to achieve the elusive female ejaculation:

Important note: Not every woman can easily ejaculate, so don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t work as you expect. In saying this, every woman has the biological anatomy to ejaculate -- so it is possible, in theory. It may be more difficult for some because of her physical makeup: weak pelvic floor muscles, inability to properly relax, etc. It takes practice to perfect this trick and learn how to relax properly and go with the flow, so to speak. It is also not a bad idea for your girl to practice this on her own -- then she can get the gist of it without feeling shy about the whole pee thing.

Before You Start

She needs to empty her bladder before you start so she can rest assured anything that happens won’t be urine.

Step 1

Turn Her On

Do this how you will, but make sure that every cell in her body is hot. It is important that she is very turned on, or this probably won’t work.

Step 2

Find Her G-Spot

You can do this by feeling the front inside wall of her vagina with a lubed finger or two, about one finger length up. The G-spot has a different texture from the rest of the vaginal muscles, and may feel rough or raised. It is easier to feel when she is aroused because it swells with fluid and blood.
Female ejaculation can be exhilarating for you both. Focus on the front wall of the vagina, and explore it with lubed fingers. Push on her G-spot and see how it feels to her. It may feel like she needs to urinate when you push on it, but as long as her bladder is empty, she can rest assured that this won’t happen, and that what she is feeling is normal -- go with it, don’t try to stop it.

Step 4

Introduce A Toy Or Keep Using Fingers

The next step is to try to induce the female ejaculation. This consists of keeping her aroused, and firmly stimulating her G-spot with either your fingers or a firm toy with a curved end, whatever she prefers, until she feels like she is ready. You can use your penis, but it's probably a good idea to practice where you can a) see and feel precisely what you are doing and; b) use something direct and firm to keep the pressure even, and you and her both in control.
She will probably feel the desire to urinate, but if she keeps this feeling alive and keeps going, it will eventually turn into a very intense sexual feeling. Once she's at this point, she is ready to ejaculate. Whatever happens, she needs to keep herself open and relaxed and let it flow. It may help her to push with her PC muscles (pelvic floor) if she feels it coming on but nothing seems to be happening -- this will push it out. Keep stimulating her, and keep communicating about how it feels.

Step 5

During Female Ejaculation

Once she starts to ejaculate, a clear fluid will squirt or sprinkle out of her urethra. It can be quite a lot (about ¼ cup sometimes), so it may be a good idea to keep a towel handy, or put one underneath her if this is a concern. If mess is a real bother, try doing it in the bathroom or prepare your surface properly.

Spray On

Love it or hate it, after all this experimenting you both would have learned a lot. Female ejaculation is not the easiest thing in the world to achieve, but once the pee phobia has been averted it can be a very enjoyable experience. It may not be something you want to do regularly, but may be put in the "special occasion" treasure chest.

Of course the internet is a wonderful thing whenever something has gotten you curious, especially it seems, with anything sexual in nature. During my investigation I came across several videos, ranging from very serious looking professors pointing probes at diagrams to close-up shots of women ejaculating, and I have to say, there was a good cupful of fluid there.

Getting information from the male point of view was all very well, but I wanted a female take on the whole thing too and I came across this personal account of a woman’s experience of ejaculating.

When I first heard about female ejaculation, I thought it was a bullshit myth invented by women who accidentally pee during sex, and one supported by fetishists who wanted to believe in it — until it happened to me. I was 25 and had been having sex for about 8 years (not consistently, I should say). I have no idea why my body chose that moment — in the middle of a reverse cowgirl with some dude I'd just met a few hours before — to bust out its new parlor trick; in fact, there were a lot of things that confused me about what happened, like, "Where did that fluid come from and what is it? Is there something wrong with me? How did this happen? And why did it feel good?"

So here's the story: I met a dude who was visiting from Ireland at a bar. We went back to the place he was staying, and pretty much started having sex right away. I was on top of him — my back to his face — for a few minutes, rubbing myself with my fingers when I started to orgasm. I started to contract really hard and then all of a sudden, I felt all this fluid rushing out of me. It were as though his dick were a pin and popped a water balloon resting on the front wall of my vagina. At first I was gripped with fear, and thought I'd ruptured some sort of cyst. But there was no pain at all.

Then I could hear the guy behind me start laughing through his moans, adding, "Alright! I didn't know you were one of those." Obviously, neither had I.

In the years since, squirting has become a part of my sex life, although there is no predictability to it. I can't squirt on command, although there are better chances of it happening if some kind of penetration is going on. Sometimes the stuff squirts out in a split stream, sometimes it gushes wildly, sometimes it just falls out, and one time, when a dude was finger-banging me, it shot up in the air, and arched. The amount of fluid expelled also varies widely. Sometimes it's about a tablespoon or two, sometimes it can be up to a cup or two. It's actually a pain in the ass because it's just a big mess.

Female ejaculation is definitely real, although some discussions I came across were dubious about the fetish porno movies, claiming that to be pee, although if it happens to you it would be easy to tell, not just by the smell but like semen, female ejaculate would dry white on the sheet.  Also, it should be said, that no one should feel less sexually accomplished if it ‘never’ happens to them. But perhaps as women get older, become more in tune with their bodies it is something they can work on, certainly I have way better orgasms in my thirties compared to my late teens and early twenties. There’s something to be said for knowing your body and having lived in your skin a while.

If you want to find out more click here to watch a video given by three female sex experts. It’s much less ‘professory’ than some of the others I came across.

I hope this blog has been interesting, it has been for me to write. Maybe I will incorporate female ejaculation into my next book. It’s certainly got lots of scope for some sexy, experimental coupling.

Have a wonderful day and do leave me a comment on your thoughts and/or experiences.

Lily x


Juniper Bell said...

Lily, I have to hand it to you -- you sure know how to research a blog post! LOL! This is fascinating information. Thanks for gathering it and putting together such an awesomely fun post!

Lily Harlem said...

Thanks Juniper :-)

Brandi said...

I have been able to do it since I started having sex. My first boyfriend thought it was awesome ( I think because I was actually having orgasms as a teenager and thought it was all him, little did he know! ) and over the years I'd have huge wet spots after sex. About 6 years ago, I was able to hone my squirting skills while masterbating and did the same research you did Lily. Mindblowing! Then I found a boyfriend who was hugely turned on by it. Now with my husband, it's a funny thing that happens and if he decides to be very "giving" he grabs a towel. =)
I can also concentrate really hard not to relax those muscles and not make a mess.
Awesome blog!

Lily Harlem said...

Brandi - thanks so much for sharing. Its fascinating to hear about women's different experiences.

Have a wonderful day :-)

Lily x

Savanna Kougar said...

Great info! Thanks.

Ms. S. Kitty Dreams said...

I started doing this about a year ago. I kind of knew what it was and my SO didn't seem bothered by it. After it happened a few more times, I was worried about whether or not it as urine. He did say it was once in a while.

Now, we don't discuss what it is, just how big of a mess I made. I just tell him that it's his fault, and he says, "I take full responsibility."

The funny thing is that I don't need G-spot stimulation for it to happen. I just need the right kind of clitoral stimulation.