So I read this post by another Siren author a couple of weeks back. She said she was taking a couple of weeks off and, while on vacation, she wanted to get into the habit of writing everyday to see what it would be like to write full time. She asked everyone about their daily schedule. Naturally, the other writers gave her very professional answers.
I’m going to tell you the truth.
A Day in the Life of Sophie Oak, glamorous writer of erotic romance
6 am – Wake up and realize it’s only six am. Go back to sleep. Dream that Lady Gaga has become nanny to your 3yo daughter.
7 am – Wake up again. Run upstairs to check that your 3yo isn’t wearing a meat bikini. Get older kids ready for school.
8 am – Decide to start exercise program.
8:15 am – Decide to put off exercise program until tomorrow because the toddler is awake and wants some waffles. Watch toddler eat waffles while you choke down a protein bar then pass toddler off to her real nanny – Grandma – who looks nothing like Gaga.
8:30-Noon – Write. And stare at the computer screen. Talk to BFF and Gay Hubby on Skype about why you’re staring at the computer screen. Look up the proper way to hyphenate pre-cum. Answer e-mail. Somehow manage to get roughly two thousand words on the page including the now grammatically proper pre-cum.
Noon-1pm – Laundry, cleaning, cleaning the upstairs which means at least ten minutes considering the best way to murder your children. Wonder about how your thirteen year old daughter manages to walk into that bathroom.
1pm-2:30 – Get dressed. Realize that getting dressed now means changing from PJ’s to sweats and a T-shirt. Regret lost youth and wonder when you stopped trying as you lace up your sneakers. Buy groceries with the toddler. Realize that the toddler really needed that nap Grandma tried to give her. Smile as toddler screams over toys. Realize that you skipped lunch. Pick up Target lunch. Attempt to eat lunch in the car on the way to pick up older kiddos. Only make it through half the sandwich and still, somehow, manage to gain a pound.
2:30-4:30 – Run children all over the place while toddler drools in her car seat having finally given up the fight. Library, dry cleaners, post office, etc.
4:30-7pm – More writing. This time writing is punctuated with an obsessive check of “number.” Check Amazon position. Check Bookstrand royalty statement. Read fan mail. Decide you’re the best writer ever. Realize the book you’re supposed to be writing is due in exactly 27 days. Decide you’re the worst writer in the world.
7-8pm – Be grateful you don’t have to cook. Eat with the family and then cuddle with the straight hubby before heading right back to the computer.
11:30 – Shower and fall into bed.
Somewhere in there, you need to find time to stare at pictures of superhot guys, write down suggestions for paranormal sex toys and talk to the gay hubs at least five times a day.
So that’s the glamorous life of a writer. Yes, it’s a dream life, and it’s all mine!