Friday, December 9, 2011

Sex Signs

Hey there, sexy. What’s your sign?

Okay, skipping the cheesy pickup line … I’m a Gemini. The sign of the Twins, which seems appropriate for a writer of ménage. Stories with extra M’s in them have always had extra fascination for me.

So I got to wondering … does your sign say anything about you sexually?  Could I be astrologically destined to want more than one? I decided to look into this a little more. Believe it or not, I found some answers. Fair warning: you might want to take them with a grain of salt, since they’re from a Taoist pimp who reads charts and owns a zodiac-based escort service.

According to him, each sign is linked to a particular body part. Touch that part, and they're yours. For instance, with Pisces, it’s all about the feet. For Leos, try the back. With Virgos, go for the stomach. Any guesses which sign corresponds with the sex organs? Oh, you naughty Scorpios!

Other tidbits from around the zodiac: Aries are the most naïve and, along with the rest of the Fire signs, like to dominate. Cancers are very motherly and rarely become call girls. As a Water sign, their moods shift a lot. Taurus are sensitive and can be clingy. Like the other Earth signs, they need structure and stability. When Leos have sex, they like to put on a show. Libras don’t like conflict and have nice asses, which they enjoy displaying in  sexy lingerie.

Scorpios are the most sexual sign, but may have hidden sexual problems, so be warned. To seduce a Sagittarius, listen to them--but don’t pry. Capricorns like to be in control and are the most likely to stalk you. Aquarians are charming and like the lead-up to sex more than the act itself. Pisces are the most Goth sign and may have weird sleep patterns. To seduce them, be nice because they can be isolated.

As for Geminis … well, Gemini happens to be the only sign this particular expert hasn’t slept with. He says that Geminis tend to go for people who know a lot about a subject that interests them. Like all Air signs, we like intellectual stimulation. Apparently the way to our hearts is through our minds.

So can the zodiac explain my love for ménage stories? Maybe. After all, if Geminis like mental stimulation, maybe we like all the complications of a ménage. It might explain why my next release is about a graduate student who becomes obsessed with three sexy, mysterious students. Talk about complicated!

Does any of this ring true for you? Does it sound like a load of new age crap? Or maybe somewhere in between? I’d love to hear what you think! 

Juniper Bell's next release, BEAUTIFUL OBSESSION, is coming soon from Ellora's Cave.

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