Monday, February 6, 2012

Let’s Talk Pussy

So here’s the truth. My job is weird. You know those performance reviews you get once or twice a year? I get them every book. Workers get reviewed on just how they perform in various objectives and competencies. How well did the worker perform? Did the worker show strong management skills and patience?

Well, let’s face facts. My performance review includes how many times I used the word pussy.

Laugh all you like. I totally got called out on the fact  that I only used pussy 55 times in a 102K book. I was told flatly that I wouldn’t be satisfying my readership if I continued on the path of ignoring the word pussy. Pussy – I was told – is a satisfying word. It brings the reader a sense of comfort and completion. 

I got this review as I sat with my little crew. Look, writing is a very solitary occupation. I’m lucky enough to have a couple of BFFs who stand by me no matter what happens. Including my misuse of pussy. I’ll set the scene. It’s me and Kris Cook (my gay hubby) and Shayla Black (who I would totally fuck if she had a cock – but I just can’t do girls. I respect the lesbian. I do. But I, unfortunately, need a cock to make me happy.) We’re sitting around sprinting. It’s the writing equivalent of the Boston Marathon except it lasts way shorter a time and usually involves liquor. That’s when I get my edits for Pure Bliss and discover to my horror that I haven’t used the word pussy enough.

How can I fix it, I ask.

Duh, Shayla says. Write more pussy.

Ewwww. Kris says. Switch to m/m so you don’t have to ever write the word pussy again.

(I totally made that up since Kris Cook is a totally gay man who has never once written an m/m book but now he’s going to threaten to spank me if he actually reads this blog.)

So I decide to try it. Is pussy a satisfying word? Does it fill something deep inside you as a reader? How much pussy is too much? I decided to try an experiment. I went up to Shayla Black and stroked her hair as I said the word over and over again.

Pussy.

Pussy.

Pussy.

And shockingly enough – she calmed down. Yes. Pussy is a magical word. Use it the next time you want to be soothed. And I’ll use it plenty in my next book – because I love you. And I want you to be satisfied. 


Sophie Oak writes erotic romance for Siren Publishing. Her latest novel, Found in Bliss (Nights in Bliss, Colorado 5), is available now.

10 comments:

bw said...

Well, I am not sure if I feel calm but I am laughing out loud, for sure! Happy Monday!
Beth

Corinne Davies said...

I will now forever think of you when I type the word pussy LOL

SusieJ said...

ROFL! I'll think of you every time I read the word pussy!
Hugs xx

Thecrazygranny said...

I just embarrassed the guys in my department at work. I just had to ask them if there was sucha thing as to much pussy. O.O was the look I got. LOL but they all agreed with the not enough pussy

Sophie said...

I am so proud that I will now forever be associated with the word - pussy. Really, guys, you should try it. It's like a mantra. Close your eyes and say it a loud. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy. Now I'm calm and settled and can go back to writing. Just to note that I've learned my lesson. I'm only 54K into Siren in Bloom and I have already used the word pussy 71 times.

Jennifer August said...

LOL Awesome blog and I think there is such a thing as pussy saturation, but it usually involves lots of sex.
Figging has now been replaced by pussy!

K. S. Welbourn said...

I am not sure that reading the word pussy has any effect on my enjoyment of your books. With or without it I LOVE ALL YOUR BOOKS!

Terri said...

Great pussy post! Thanks for making me laugh today.

Mrs. Missive said...

As long as you leave "turgid" out of it, I'm good. Great post. You have less pussy in your books, because you have more cock. Simple math. Can't wait to read the next Bliss installment.

Ursula said...

Hahahaha, next time instead of taking a xanax I will try repeating pussy over and over again. Which will make me think of Sophie, which will make me think of all her wonderful books....sigh. I am relaxing already.