Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Sex and an Ice Pack

You may well be reading this blog post at the exact moment that I’m undergoing knee surgery. Don’t worry about me -- it’s an ACL repair resulting from a ski/dance injury, nothing life-threatening. Besides, that’s not really my topic today. This whole knee thing – as well as extensive discussions with my husband about exactly how we’re going to have sex while I’m rehabbing – has had an interesting effect on my reading habits.

For instance, I just read a rapturous sex scene during which the heroine rolled over on top of the hero, knees on either side of his hips, and my first reaction was … Ow. Until I get my knee fixed, I can’t kneel. What if that poor woman’s knee was bothering her? She wouldn’t be so fast to hoist herself on top of him, now would she? And forget doggy-style. Not happening. In fact, with knee trouble, any position where you’re lying on your back is appealing. Boring, but pain-free.
But knees are only the beginning. It’s a good thing many erotica heroes and heroines are young and physically fit. They can make love for hours, in all kinds of positions, and never seem to need an icepack or an ibuprofen afterwards. You rarely, if ever, see an erotic romance hero slap a hot water bottle on his lower back after an especially vigorous three-way.

Maybe it’s time for some “physically challenged” erotica. Off the top of my head, here are a few examples of how sex scenes might take into account the aches and pains of life.

“She crouched between his powerful thighs to lick his cock – being careful to keep most of her weight on her hands and her good knee.”

“He flexed his back in preparation for plunging his fierce arousal into her wet pussy. As soon as he felt the lower vertebra release, he allowed his passion to burst its bonds.”

“She tilted her head so she could take in more of his straining cock. But when he would have arched her neck further, she held up a warning hand. The effects of whiplash still lingered from her accident six months ago.”

“Not for the first time, he was grateful there were two of them to pleasure her. Her swollen clit was begging for the vigorous fondling she loved, and that sort of repetitive motion was hell on his Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.”

“The breathtaking thrill of being filled by two men, of being stretched to the limit, was interrupted by the sudden growling of her stomach. With her blood sugar problem, if she didn’t eat every two hours, she’d be snapping at her two lovers like a crabby Denny’s waitress.”

So what do you say? Is there a market for this sub-genre? Should I get to work on one as soon as I come off the anesthesia? 

Juniper Bell's next release is Beautiful Obsession, coming soon from Ellora's Cave. 


SusieJ said...

ROFL....this is so me...lol! Def. a market for us "less firm" people. As an arthritis sufferer I never know from one day to the next which bit of me will be painful..
Hugs xx
p.s. hope the knee surgery goes well.

Donna said...

Hahaha...This may be a bit too close to realism for those hoping for sexual fantasy in their reads.

That being said, as a wheelchair person, I would love to see stories that have a character in a wheelchair, even a supporting character, as the full sexual partners that we are. Some of us are also into BDSM, and a pair of crutches or wheelchair just add to the fun.


Lily said...

Juniper - that was fabulous, funny and poignant.

Good luck with the knew surgery!

L x

hregtvedt said...

Loved this post. My husband is a disabled veteran and often has problems with his legs and hips. Doesn't stop us from trying anything. We do often have to stop and rearrange or adjust but for us anything goes. I wouldn't mind reading about those not-so-perfect sex moments that happen in real life!

Best of luck with the knee.

Heather E