Saturday, September 8, 2012

Art imitating life, imitating art...

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I stumbled across a Showtime network show called "Polyamory: Married and Dating." It's a real-life show following two different poly families and their journeys. I'm only a couple of episodes into it, but so far, I like it.

I like that even though they do show the racier aspects of their relationships, they also show the real-world, everyday struggles these poly families go through. Like managing time and dealing with jealousy.

Being poly myself, it's refreshing to see a take on this that isn't all, "OMG! They do WHAT?" The poly group we have is technically an "N" shape. Hubby and Sir's wife are at each end of the N, while Sir and I are the diagonal piece. (If that makes sense. LOL) We each have loving, healthy, stable marriages to our primary spouses. But as our BDSM relationship evolved and deepened, our spouses felt secure enough to give us permission to have secondary relationships with each other.

It's not all perfection and fun. It's a lot of work. And Sir and I are like anyone else, we butt heads. (Especially since we're two Tauruses. LOL) But because we were friends first, and because we actively work on communication, every bump in the road only solidifies our relationship that much more. There's never a time where we would just flippantly say, "Oh, screw you, I'm out of here." It's actually a much safer environment for both of us, emotionally, that we can feel free to express ourselves and the depths of any issues we have and know it's okay to let it out, because we'll work on it on the other side of the kerflufle. :)

Unlike the show, we don't date others. We consider ourselves a closed poly pod. We actually refer to ourselves as a "pack" because we like that term better, and it better reflects our attitudes, and the fact that we love puppy play. LOL We consider ourselves monogamous to the pack.

Jealousy isn't so much an issue for us as a lack of time to do everything. In an ideal world, we'd have double the time, but it doesn't happen like that.

So when I write a menage and include real-world issues, it's because I live it. Sure it'd be easy to write everything is fluffy and rosy and rainbows and kittens, but that's not real life. You know how some confection recipes call for a little salt to balance the flavor, actually enhancing the taste? That's the way I approach my writing (and my life). Yes, you have to endure the salty parts but the sweeter parts are that much sweeter for it. :)

(Tymber Dalton is an exclusive author for Siren-BookStrand. Her "Love Slave for Two" series recently came to a conclusion with the finale, "Love Slave for Two: Reckoning." Her latest book, a MM dolphin shifter story and the start of a new series, "Accidentally On Porpoise - Placida Pod 1," is now available for pre-order from Siren-BookStrand. Her website is http://tymberdalton.com and her Facebook page is http://facebook.com/tymberdalton)


3 comments:

SusieJ said...

Thank you for a balanced post that showed the reality rather than the "rose tinted" version.
Anything in life that is worth having takes effort and commitment.
Hugs xx

La Crimson Femme said...

Thank you for the N education. I didn't know there was a term for it. I like the term pack too. Although a pod I like because, well, I'm into dolphins which I see you wrote a story on too...

I'll have to see if this is on netflix. I don't get showtime. :(

Mindy said...

OK, so after I read your post I went and watched the series on Showtime on Demand. I am monogamous and happily married for almost 18 years (wow in six months I will have been married longer than I was ever single, that's a weird realization LOL) I find that I am fascinated by different "lifestyles" and I found that I enjoyed this show, didn't care to see all the sex. I'd rather read about it and imagine it than see it LOL But I did find I liked the "triad" and felt kinda bad for Jen. She wants to be there but she is a little slower with "expanding her comfort zone" and she seems to get pushed by Kamala and her own hubby rather than them understanding that she is trying she just needs more time. maybe I'm reading it wrong but that's how it came across to me.

Thanks for bringing this show to my attention, while I cant see myself in this situation I do feel that it's important for us to understand and accept that people have different lifestyles and if it makes them happy and they are safe then we shouldn't judge (though i do have to say Kamala is a little bit of a hypocrite in my eyes) AND now, I will stop, this was supposed to be a "short" comment!! Jeez LOL

Thanks again!
Mindy