Hi all. It’s me again, Mia “The Dorky Squealer” Ashlinn. And I’m here today to do my favorite thing. Oh wait…I probably shouldn’t say that it’s my favorite thing because I can’t do that on here. Nope. Not me. I stay away from all electronic devices that could capture me in all my glory—naked or not. But I think we’re heading into the TMI Zone. So we’re going to nip that baby in the bud. I would hate to scare you all away before you play with me…
Whoa! Let’s stop right there. I’m getting way ahead of myself—as usual. So let’s back track for a minute. I should have said that I’m here to do one of my favorite things. I’m here to play a game with you.
Now what game could that be? Parcheesi? Monopoly? Twister? Nah, no board games. I get way too competitive for that. Hide and Go Seek? Marco Polo? Tag? Heck no, I can’t play those games to save my life. People always find me. I’d need a roll of duct tape for Marco Polo. And I hate to run almost as much as I hate strawberries. Not to mention the fact that I trip over my own feet when I’m merely walking to the mailbox.
The game I want to play is so much better. What is it you ask? Well, I guess I’ll tell you. We’re going to play You Might Be a Ménage-a-holic If…. Now you might have to bear with me. This is a new game for me, and I haven’t worked out all the kinks. In fact, I’m popping my cherry here. I generally stick to playing my all-time favorite game You Might Be a Pervert If…. I’m really good at that one, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.
But I thought that You Might Be a Ménage-a-holic If… was much more appropriate for the When One Is Not Enough Blog. So how about it? Want to play? If you do, let’s get going.
1. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you know the literal translation of ménage à trois by heart. (Raises left hand) Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me! I know this one!
2. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you buy a Clone A Willy solely for the purpose of having a threesome with your honey.
3. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you think whoever coined the phrase Three’s a crowd was one of the following: senile, asexual, or misquoted. Stranger things have happened. I blame autocorrect!
4. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you misinterpret the title of the song Two Is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls (featuring Taylor Swift). Hey, it’s an easy mistake that technically anyone could make. Right? Right. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
5. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you go to vote for the People’s Choice and can’t decide between four of the nominees because you can’t bear the thought of breaking up television’s two most perfect ménages. (cough) Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley. (cough) Jensen Ackles and Jared Padelecki. Bless the shiny penny in my pocket. Heads or tails, anyone?
6. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you (yet again) are voting for the People’s Choice awards and see that there is a trio up for “Favorite On-Screen Chemistry” and immediately vote for them, even though you haven’t seen the movie. Aw, come on. I will see it one of these days.
7. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you learned to count from three to ten in French just so you know how many people are participating in the ménage. Trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, and dix. I’ll just stop there. Eleven men is out of my league. I get tired just thinking about it…all that laundry, I mean!
8. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you hear the Spin Doctors singing, “One, two princes kneel before you. That’s what I said now. Princes, two princes who adore you…” and think to yourself, “How about I kneel before you, both of you?”
9. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you hear someone talking about Peter, Paul, and Mary and do not automatically think of the folk-singing trio. Poor old Puff, The Magic Dragon never crosses your mind. You think of the chorus from 3 by Britney Spears.
10. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you think Bella shouldn’t have to choose between Edward and Jacob. I mean really. A brooding vampire who never sleeps and a ripped wolf who keeps her warm on the long, cold nights? What more could she ask for? Um…a smoking hot demon with a wicked smile and orgasmic super powers?
11. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you go into a liquor store and arrange the bottles by who would make the best ménage, if they were real people rather than drinks. I think Captain Morgan (Rum) will have a good time with Jose Cuervo (Tequila) and Bailey (Irish Cream). Hmm…Pearl (Vodka) would like to have a tête à tête with Jack Daniels (Whiskey) and Jameson (Whiskey). What about Skyy (Vodka)? She’d like a nooner with Jim Beam (Bourbon) and Paul Masson (Brandy).
12. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you see a movie with three (or more) people on the cover and think, “Wonder who’s who in that relationship? Top? Bottoms? Switches?” The possibilities are endless…for a naughty mind.
13. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…someone asks you what your perfect date is, and you immediately respond, “Triplets.”
14. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you look at Lady Antebellum and think, “That’s one lucky chick.”
15. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…as a teen girl, you refused to choose between the boys in your favorite band because you can take all of them. I would have been all over an *NSYNC ménage.
16. You might be a ménage-a-holic if…you’re reading this blog.
Now, I have to ask one question. Why must I? Because I’m nosy like that. Are you a ménage-a-holic? If so, join me on the dark side. Mwuahaha. I have whipped cream and chocolate sauce. XOXOXO!
Love and cherries,