Thursday, December 6, 2012

My Hidden Box

Okay, I'm dragging out my soapbox.

Yuck! Not that kind of soapbox. Tide smells good, but it makes me break out in hives. What I'm referring to is the one I hide under my bed and hope I won't have to pull out—ever. Well, today, I have to yank that sucker out and dance on it.

Why, you ask? Well, it's simple really. I have something on my mind, something that really disturbs me. It would probably be easier to just fluff it off, but it's not something I can just ignore or pretend I didn't see. That would be wrong of me, especially considering what I write about.

Wait, I guess I should back up and actually explain what I'm talking about...

Last weekend, I stayed up way past my bedtime watching a movie. Before you ask, it is not that kind of movie. Mmhmm. You know the ones I'm talking about. This particular movie is a rather notorious mainstream one. Heck, you've probably even heard of it or seen it.

No, I will not tell you the name. I don't believe in calling people, places, or things out. Besides, I didn't hate the movie. In fact, it had good parts. However, and this is a massive however, there was a ménage scene in it. My first reaction was, "Woohoo! Yeah baby yeah!" Then things went sour for me—quickly.

Why, you ask? Well, again, it's simple. The ménage scene made something that I fantasize about, something I feel passionate about, and it turned it into something cheap, tawdry, and downright dirty. Let me just say, I wanted to take a bath afterward. And if you know me at all, that is saying something.

Now, keep in mind, they didn't necessarily do anything on camera to disgust me. It was the seedy atmosphere, the passionless participants, and the overall blasé attitude. I was just like, "Ugh, really?"

So that got me thinking. Perish the thought. Why is it that society thinks a ménage is something to be looked down upon? What is so wrong with three (or more) people falling in love and getting it on? Who are we to judge what someone feels...or who they feel up?

Love is love. Lust is lust. And unless it directly involves us, it's none of our business. At least, that is how I feel. Maybe it's just me. Maybe not. But what matters is that whatever happens in the bedroom (or other naughty and not-so-naughty places) between consenting adults shouldn't be considered nasty or raunchy, unless of course that is what they want. Seriously, if something trips their trigger, I say, "Power to them." Just because I'm not interested in something doesn't make it wrong or right. It's not like I'm in between them. Am I? Nope. Ergo, it has no bearing on me.

If only reality were like that. The sad truth is so many people don't feel this way. They watch scenes like the one in that movie and only see the sinfulness in the act. To them, it's immoral and disgraceful. Yes, I know people who think like this. These are the people that prohibit me from divulging my identity for the sake of my family. They would ridicule my husband and child for my (gasps) sinful ways. It's not right.

I can honestly say with one hundred percent certainty that if I were a single woman with no children, I would flip every darn one of them off and declare that I'm Mia Ashlinn, and I write smutty stories. FYI, I say smutty in the most loving way. But I can't do that. I know I can't. I have to hide who I am. I have to conceal my love for ménages and male-male action. And I hate it. I hate it to the depth of my soul because I am proud of who I am and I am proud of what I write.

Think, I am woman. Hear me roar. Only I can't roar because of small-minded people and society's standards. Maybe one day, things will change. Hopefully, there will come a day that love is treated equal—no matter race, orientation, numbers, or anything else that could be deemed inappropriate. Until then, I will treasure the beauty of love. I will rejoice in it's purity and perfection. And every day, I will write about what I believe in—love that weathers the worst storms, love that defies the odds piling against it, and love that truly conquers all.

Much love,

p.s. This quote is hanging in my office aka The Den of Decadence. I thought it was appropriate. "A love that defies all logic is sometimes the most logical thing in the world." -Anonymous


CaroleDee said...

Wish there was room on that soapbox with you. I'd love to scream at the world to get over themselves. Alas, small minded people are here to stay :(

I live in a very small community where EVERYONE knows everyone's business. There are people I haven't even met or moved away over a year ago and yet I know all of their dirty laundry. When I first moved here I made the mistake of telling a few people that I blog for a romance site and you should have SEEN the looks I got. AND they didn't even know the extent of some of smexy stuff I review ;)

I learned that day that Scentsy parties + lots of wine= trouble for me. It's unfortunate, but true :(

Anonymous said...

Mia I know what you are talking about since I live with two men in a ménage relationship. We have NEVER confirmed how we live, a very small handful of friends are aware. They just assume that the hubby's best friend moved in when he came to the area and that it works out well. Now given the books I read you'd think people would be thinking hmmm, and perhaps they are, just never said anything. Yes there are the occasional "looks" when we all go out. I wish society would mind its own business and not judge people, it would be soooo nice to show affection to both my men I public.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tina D said...

Fantastic Blog Mia !! I want to pull the sticks out of peoples butts and beat then with it. I don't care who is sleeping with whom unless they are doing it on my couch.

RoseRaven said...

Oh Mia, like I told my daughter a few weeks ago. Love is Love and it doesn't matter in what form it is expressed. I just wish people could understand that.

Anonymous said...

Yes, to me Love is Love. No matter your sexual orientation ,color of skin or whatever. Nothing bothers me. Love is Love!!!!!!!! Just be happy! :)

Luna Wildwood said...

excellent blog entry Mia. Well said. It's no one's business what consenting adults do with one another , whether it be two together or a bakers dozen having at it.

Anonymous said...

I've been blessed to have lived in a menage relationship that was sweet and loving. It didn't work out, but it was a fantastic experience. I actually didn't feel judged about it until I started writing erotic romance. People seem to assume that if I've lived in a poly relationship before, then my books MUST have some specific correlation to my own experiences. WRONG. First of all, I have never appreciated hairy men, so werewolves would be a deal breaker for me, but secondly, and more importantly, I wouldn't betray my past lovers that way.
Don't jump off of that soap box too quickly Miss Mia. Preach on!

Cherie Clark said...

Love you miss Mia and love this blog. Society is narrow but the friends that you have surrounded yourself with, has hopefully made up for some of it. You rock my honey. And i LOVE readig your books and the MM love.

Fiona Archer said...

Small minds exist in big cities too. It's just that they can hide more easily in the masses.

The other day after my debut book's release, a close family friend asked me more details about my book. I didn't hold back, told her all the kinkalicious bits and she then said: "But what would your father say about this?" I replied: "He's dead. He's not saying anything. But if he did, he'd say 'Good for you, kid. You're living your life. Because we are ALL a longtime dead."

And I refuse to be a pedestrian in my own life for one more second.

Massive back peddling followed my statement. "Oh, you know we love you...etc."

Here's the truth. Nobody can put you emotionally in the corner unless you allow them that power. So even if you can't wear your favorite loves stated on a T-shirt for all to see, if you feel it strong in your heart, then you're doing okay. Many can't even admit that much to themselves. Now that IS tragic.

So slide that soap box back under your bed, Mia, and continue to be proud you are working towards strengthening your writing dream and having a ball whilst doing so.

MiaAshlinn said...

CaroleDee: I’m so sorry to hear that people gave you a hard time about blogging for a romance site. It’s ridiculous for someone to look down upon someone else—no matter what the case. And I think you’re right. People do need to get over themselves. By the way, I bet I can find a bigger box…then we could dance together. LOL. :)

Linda H.: I cannot fathom how hard it would be to hold back from the man (or men) I love. I just hope that one day things will change for you and anyone else living in a ménage.

Tina D.: If you do, please record it for me. I want to see! :)

RoseRaven: I do, too. Maybe one day…that’s what I keep telling myself. :)

Peggy: Amen! :)

Luna: My friend, you just had to bring the cookies in! Love that about you.

Loriking: I think it is beautiful what you said about not betraying your past lovers. That is not something you hear a lot. It is very obvious how much you cared for them. So lovely. P.s. Do you really want me to keep on preaching? *Snickers* That could be very bad. :)

Cherie Clark: Thank you. I think the world of you. You’re so very sweet and supportive…and you’re naughty, too boot. That’s my kind of pal! :)

Fiona Archer: You are 100% right about giving people that power. I’m really bad about that. I grew up in a situation where I was a people pleaser. Even now, I struggle with standing on my own two feet and saying this is what I think, this is what I feel, and I’m darn proud of it! But I’m working on it—one day at a time. :)